Older and Wiser

Older and Wiser

(7-31-10)

Was it just yesterday when I saw you

Walking up the street

Skinny as can be

Eyes trained staring at me

A smile on your lips

Eyes hard to resist

We talked

We sneaked

Made out

Once or twice a week

I couldn’t wait to see you

I was your candy

You were my cameo

22 years later

We’re back to a future we don’t know

Picking up where we left off

As if it were only a pause

A trace

A minute of time

A phase

This time older and wiser

Seasoned with time

The chemistry still ripe

Juicy ready to bite

With patience on our side

We can slowly collide

All the passion left unfinished

Explore our sensual side

And let fate be our guide

The season has passed

And fate has decided

The hands of time can’t turn back

We aren’t the same

Our mindsets are rearranged

What could have been new

Has now become unglued

Your lifestyle and choices

My expectations voices

Are not compatible to mine

The lack of communication

By phone, text, or email

Has caused a strain

And left me waiting to exhale

So we’ll let sleeping dogs lie

And see this as another passing tide

For the older me

Says leave the drama at the door

And the wiser in me

Says it wasn’t the real thing once more


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My Release Prayer

Father,
I come to You on bended knee
Bearing the wounds that have hurt me
Needing from You Your healing touch
Cause I know You love me so very much

Help me release all this pain I feel
Help me to forgive so I can heal
So I hold on to Your promise to bear
All my burdens You said You would share

I know this notion of forgiveness is something I can't do alone
To love unconditionally is hard on my own
So I'm drawing from your strength to be a better me
And pray that Your love will open my eyes to see

To keep me on the right path and from doing wrong
I know that Your love will make me strong
But I don't want this prayer to stop here
I want it to extend to the one who hurt me so dear

He needs to know the depth and fullness of Your grace
That keeps retaliation from blowing up in his face
Help him learn that forgiveness is the key
In order for anyone to be genuinely happy

I owe all thanks and praise to You
For keeping me sane and blessed too
Because You told me I'm the apple of Your eye
And on You I can totally rely

So Father,
I cast all my cares, worries, negativity on You
Thanking You for positively making me anew
Help me now go forth in Your love
Keeping my head over the stress and rise above

Father, you have given unconditional love to me
To extend to those I cross on my journey
Help me not lose focus or lose my way
Cause I know it will be a serious price to pay

All praises to You
And all honor too
For giving me peace indeed
In my time of need
Thank you, forever and always
Amen

Comments: Finally Getting My Release
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He Looks Like A Man

Ok I’ll tell you what I know

He looks like a man.

You know, tall, dark, and handsome.

I mean, he really looks like a man.

His hair’s cut almost bald to his head.

Shiny looking and the prettiest straight teeth

And then there is his physique

Oh yes, he looks every bit of a man

Broad shoulders, chiseled chest,

Arms so strong, they can hold me up

Washboard abs that ripple beneath my hand

Mmmm, he does look like a man.

Narrow hips, hard thighs

His male wand that speaks magic, no surprise

Oh yes, he looks and feels like my dream man

Mmm, mmm, mmmm!!

But I’m not sure if he acts like one.

I mean, I know he’s going through a rough patch right now

Jobs not being what they use to be

Not to mention, the color of his skin

But not supporting his kids on a regular

For 3 or 4 years

I don’t know, is that a man?

Now don’t get me wrong,

Everybody has it rough at times

He can’t help it if his dream job of working 6 figures didn’t come through

He can’t help it if the bill is due but the stock he invested in made him lose

He can’t help it if his boys need him to help out so he can get the hook up

He can’t help it if his babies mama’s complain that it’s just not enough when he’s giving what he can, not what he must

When he’s doing the best he can to survive himself?

Can he?

I mean, am I wrong for thinking

He just might not be a man, even if he looks like one!

I mean is it really his fault that the only management job he could find is McDonalds instead of Donald Trump Enterprise?

He’s got a lifestyle to maintain, you know.

I mean is it really his fault that the investment his boys told him was a sure deal ended up being a raw deal?

Hey, shit happens, right?  You can’t win them all!

Is it really his fault that women chose to get pregnant by him

And expect him to support the children they gave birth too.

I mean, he didn’t get a vote in Roe vs. Wade

So can you really blame him for not being a constant in their lives?

Ok, all I can do is tell you what I know

I know, I handle my business,

I take care of my family,

I work one, two, three jobs

To make sure my kids have a roof over their heads

I will go hungry, to put food on the table.

I will forgo the gym to put clothes on their backs

I’ll miss going out with girls to pay my bills on time

Whoa!!

Could it be, I’ve answered my own self?

Is this what a man should do?

How can you claim to look like a man,

But not act like one too!

(5-8-09)

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I Simply Don't Exist

I don't think you could have expressed to me

By your words, actions, or deeds

How dead I really am to you

Finally I get it

It's as if all the intimate feelings we shared

Disappeared in thin air

It's as if the times when things were going good 

Never happened

It's as if my face and body in every picture we've ever taken

Were cut out, I don't exist

It's as if the children we created in love

Were born by an immaculate conception

I don't exist

Finally I get it.

The tears I cry, you won't wipe away

The pain I feel, you wouldn't numb

If my heart would bleed, you wouldn't seal the wound

Cause I ceased to exist to you

It's sad but true

At one point I was your friend

I was your lover

I was your confidant

But time grew us apart 

And I broke your heart

Even a dog is given food when it whines

Even a dog is given water when it pants

But when i knock on your door

I can't cross the threshold

But when I ask for help

I am told not from here

When I seek for understanding

I get no sympathy, not even empathy

I don't exist

So you've moved on

What we had is all gone

But what happened to forgiveness

Don't we need it to get along

Because as fate would have it

We have at least 10 years to go

By then the youngest 
Will become old

I must be lower than a friend

Because they can be heard

I must be lower than a co-worker

Because you can work as a team

I must be lower than a stranger

Because they are given common courtesy

I must be lower than your enemy

Because at least they get a passing glance

Finally i get it, I simply don't exist

My comments on poem.....

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